The Linkybrain Joy of Talking to Strangers
A small, but important antidote to societal polarisation
If you had to liken your career to a role in a musical ensemble, what would it be? A conductor, co-ordinating a multi-section orchestra (CEO/ MD)? A first violin, skilled at your specialist trade (team lead, scientist, programmer, academic)? Or maybe the lead singer or bass in a rock band, composing and evangelising for a start-up brand with a disruptive mission (entrepreneur, inventor, product designer)? Percussion, keeping everyone in rhythm from the back (Ops, HR)? Or maybe you’re the clashing symbol (in-house lawyer?!).
Inevitably most spend their lives as rank and file orchestra players, moving up a seat as skills and experience grow. You might be playing school halls to begin with, graduating to better and bigger venues with talent.
I’ve played in orchestras and conducted a few (small) bands, but on balance, I think I might be this guy and whilst it probably won’t get me to the Albert Hall, that pleases me. Look how happy he is!
Most entrepreneurs are this guy or at least start this way (all credit to one of my favourite entrepreneurs, Helena for feeding the analogy - investors - check her out). The more successful become conductors but others prefer smaller stages or enjoy their instrument too much to pack it away in a case. I’m not bad at a few different instruments but rather than specialise I prefer to play a little bit of all of them (albeit playing my 7 year olds recorder through my nose has apparently lost its charm).
People like me are known as generalists, ‘renaissance wo/men’ (if we really want to flatter ourselves), or the best term I’ve come across: multipotentialites, as introduced by Emily Wapnick in her excellent Ted talk to describe people without ‘one true calling’ who dip in and out of different things.
I’ve used a lot of various analogies to describe this personality-type which, for a long time I saw as a weakness - jack of all trades, master of none. Another is that I’m a ‘snorkeler’ rather than a deep sea diver, holding my breath to free dive into greater depth about a particular industry or technology (currently health-tech and charity shops), but frequently returning to the surface to explore other reefs.
One way I snorkel, and indeed, the joy of this career choice, is the scope to open up conversations with different people from as many industries and walks of life as possible.
In this socially siloed age, fewer and fewer people mix outside of their professional, socio-economic or life-stage demographics - especially educated professionals (the ‘Anywheres’ that David Goodhart has so eloquently written about) - who have typically relocated from their places of birth to postcode-lottery areas of ‘people like them’. This is hugely to our detriment and a key driver of socio-political polarisation, especially when concurrent with the rapid decline of local community institutions like churches, rotary-clubs, the Women’s Institute, the Scout Movement etc. It’s the reason why few Remainers knew or understood many Brexiteers; why it has become so easy to write off others as ‘ignorant’, racist or sexist for holding alternative views on complex, emotive subjects such as immigration, race-relations, crime, drug-use and more, when context on others’ lived, community experience is so lacking.
In the last month, I’ve been diving more deeply into my ‘chopping’ (charity shop) theory about it being a lens through which we can better understand modern society. I’ve initiated conversations with over 50 volunteers - including retirees, transgender individuals, people with disabilities, the unemployed, an ex-convict and (most strikingly), school-pupils sans-smart-phone. I’ve listened in on the daily-life of the charity shop - held or overheard conversations about loneliness and grief, local crime, the personal ramifications of the cost-of-living crisis and much more. Each and every conversation has expanded my worldview and given me a new appreciation of local issues and the unique challenges affecting individuals who I would not otherwise have had a reason to engage with. They have knocked edges of my opinions, exposing me to many more shades of grey amidst issues typically perceived as black or white.
Conclusion one: this ‘chopping’ book is absolutely happening. Conclusion two: as an alternative to phone scrolling during down-time anywhere, conversations with strangers is a daily habit that needs to come back into fashion. If you work amidst ‘people like you’, all of whom have read James Clear’s ‘Atomic Habits’ and especially if not in a general-public-facing role, this is even more important. On public transport, in a queue, at a checkout, in a shopping centre lift... smile, share an observation, pick up a dropped umbrella, ask a question and the reward may be in the response. It may feel superficial at times, but it’s better than nothing and with each conversation, you get a brief glimpse outside of the social machine you’re likely stuck in.
Call it ‘personal growth’ if you must. People who live curiously, who soak up experiences and daily conversations like a sponge and who mix across socio-demographics are hugely valuable to society. They’re dot-connectors and ‘linky brains’ (credit: Alex Dunsdon, Chris Tottsman). They sit at the junctions of innovation, cross-pollinating a business, industry, academic field or (if we’re lucky) a government department with insights and learnings from another. They bring fresh perspectives and new eyes to teams whose immersion in any one industry or problem for a prolonged period of time has left them blinkered. To harness them, recruit for curiosity and harvest the insights from any fresh, virgin eyes on your sector before they acquire their blinkers.
Given the growing epidemic of loneliness (with nearly 50% of people reporting feeling lonely occasionally, sometimes, often or always), practicing daily curiosity might also have provided the only conversation that some people have had this week. That is the power of the social-hub that the charity shop on every high street has become; of the cheery person on the supermarket checkout; of the ‘comedian’ announcer on the train platform that prompts strangers to make eye contact and smile together.
That alone, is humbling. And heart breaking.
Important Note: I am now publishing audio versions of my posts for those who prefer their content on-the-go. They’re short, sweet (<10mins each) and you get to hear my dulcet tones. Check out the substack podcast tab for more or search ‘Antidoters’ and subscribe in your favourite podcast app. Spotify; apple; google podcasts & more to follow…
Bonus, interesting links for antidotery linky-brains :
10 lovely visuals that will make you a better reader
A selection of mind-blowing AI-generated short videos… is this the end for Hollywood?
A fascinating historical thread of Britain’s role in ending slavery (whilst also acknowledging the many faults and evils in Britain’s history)
Yes. (Re-) learning the well-forgotten skill of human connection is the way